Detox!

   i logged in today, more than a year later, to find my dashboard flooded with new posts put up by the blogs I've subscribed to. and then i realized - even though i had slipped into stagnancy over the year, the world had gone on.
   it's not just this blog, but a lot of things that i have left behind in 2012. there are a lot of things i have given up on because of a mental block stemming from lack of confidence, as well as interest. i feel like 2013, although beautiful in some aspects, has been a waste of a year. it's turned me into one of those people who dream big, but never lift a finger to make those big dreams turn into reality. and it doesn't work that way. you can't make a dream come to life if you don't work for it!
 "A dream doesn't become reality through magic. It takes sweat, determination and hard work."

~ Colin Powell

   where i stand now, on the first day of this brand new year, prepping for the exams that will decide my career and the rest of my life i know nothing about what's in store for me 7 months from now, in August, when i get to start a new college i.e if i even get into any. all i have is these 5 months vaguely outlined for me with exam schedules put up, and the constant reminder that ever hour of these months spent without studying is a waste.
    yes, 2014 is the most significant and crucial year of my life. 2014 is when everything changes, it's the time to be a completely new person. it's the first big chance i get to begin building my dream life. i simply cannot afford to let it go to waste like 2013.
    so after a lot of thought, and a long conversation with one of my best friends along with a little whimsical reading of the Piscean horoscope for this year :P i have reached the conclusion that the first step to reinventing myself this year is -
DETOX.
Detoxification (abbrev.: detox) n.

1. the metabolic process by which toxins are changed into less toxic or more readily excreted substances.

2. the process of withdrawing a person from dependence on a habituating drug.

In my book:

Detoxification (abbrev.: detox) n.

A process of psychological cleansing in which you

1. Rid yourself of habits you dislike

2. Discard "frenemies" (the people you secretly despise) and other people who affect you negatively

3. Bring back old habits that once made your mind a better place

4. Consciously put in the effort to fulfil your goals

5. Give yourself reason to love yourself

    i think it's a pretty good plan, the objectives being fairly simple. the only hitch that i may have to deal with - and mind you it is a big one - is getting the plan into motion first, and then sticking to it. 2013 has spoilt me. it's made me the kind who lazes around all day looking for the shortcuts and easier ways to make it through life. I'm going to need a good shaking up to get back to form.

my main goals for the year are plain and straightforward.

1. Get into one of the following institutions

 - AIIMS, Delhi

 - JIPMER, Pondicherry

 - CMC, Vellore

 - Grant Medical College, Mumbai

2. Lose a lot of weight, get into shape, and become really really pretty! (yes it may seem like a very superficial goal, but i won't lie - it means a lot to me.)

Plan Detox feels like a really good way to get things done. I've got my fingers crossed, hoping i can make it work.

so here's to a new plan, a new year, and hopefully a new life!

 

PS: if i stick to my plan you'll be seeing a lot more of my posts because no. 3 under my aims for detox involves blogging once more.

Lauren.

  "You knew Lauren Tanner?"
  "Oh I'd met her at a couple of parties. Rich brat who thought she owned the world." He rolled his eyes. "But damn, she was a fine piece of ass", he added with a wink.
  It was the beeping of his phone, demanding his immediate attention, which spared him from the cold look that flashed in her steely grey eyes. If looks could kill...

now you're just somebody that i used to know.

   i think about how we'd taken it for granted that we'd always be there for each other. we'd never for once believed that any circumstance could ever compel us to fall apart. it all seemed so easy back then, everything was crystal clear. we knew what we wanted, we'd made our choices.
   if only life was that easy.
   after things changed we still believed we could go back to being our old selves. but no matter how hard we tried, there was always something in the way. as reluctant as we were to admit it, our needs had changed. life together was no longer the joyous caper which we'd enjoyed every minute of. every effort made to bring a smile to each others' face seemed cumbersome.
   i had no idea how i'd let you go. the promises we'd made weren't things i could cast off lightly, neither of us was blessed with a heart of stone. besides, i was apprehensive of the idea of life without you, all i'd had for the past decade was the assurance of your unwavering support.
   as our relationship began to get more strained, we realised we had no choice. we parted ways amicably, not for once letting anyone see how the pain gnawed on our insides.we immersed ourselves in our lives, taking every precaution to ensure our paths never crossed. eventually, the pain subsided, the memories faded and the traces of the fact that you and i were ever one slowly vanished.
   the man i was 6 years ago, holding you in my arms and listening to you sing softly about everlasting love would never have pictured himself in this place.
   ...and yet, here i am.

P.S. excuse the random switching from 'we' to 'i', but that's the way it is.

to do list ^^

i'd never change. not for you, not for myself either.