Mia: Part II

   i suppose i shouldn't be reading it, but i am. i borrowed Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul from Liz. it's the one i gave her this year, for her 13th birthday. a year and 3 months is far too much, i just have to read it now, i can't wait. besides, Liz and i have read every book together, it isn't fair that we leave this out.
   Liz connected with most of it, she says. she isn't sure if i will. i'm pretty sure i won't as well but then i find this:

I keep my paint brush with me,

Wherever I may go,

In case I need to cover up

So the real me doesn't show.

I'm so afraid to show you me,

Afraid of what you'll do- that

You might laugh or say mean things.

I'm afraid I might lose you.

I'd like to remove all my paint coats

To show you the real, true me,

But I want you to try and understand,

I need you to accept what you see.

So if you'll be patient and close your eyes,

I'll strip off all my coats real slow.

Please understand how much it hurts

To let the real me show.

Now my coats are all stripped off.

I feel naked, bare and cold,

And if you still love me with all that you see,

You are my friend pure as gold.

I need to save my paintbrush, though,

And hold it in my hand,

I want to keep it handy

In case somebody doesn't understand.

So please protect me, my dear friend

And thanks for loving me true,

But please let me keep my paintbrush with me

Until I love me, too.

~ Bettie B. Youngs

   i tell Liz i LOVE it. 

   "i don't like it. people can't be afraid to be their true self, that's just silly and weak. Bettie has a long way to go. i feel sorry for her." 

   i want to defend Bettie. i want to tell Liz how heartless people can be and how it's necessary to protect yourself from the pain. but i don't. although she is my BFF and she knows me like no one else, somehow i know that this is one of those things i can't expect her, or anyone, to understand.