Tuesday, 23 August 2011

the crazy rantings of a lovelorn damsel: Part IV

   once again, i ask you to bear with me. my mind is seriously effed up these days.
before i start off with my bullshit, let me give you some background:
   it's been 2 months since i joined my tuition. 2 great months. and i'd like to say: PEOPLE WERE WRONG. tuition isn't a downright pain in the ass like they said it would be. i actually like it! :D
apart from doing better than ever in hindi, i've also found a whole bunch of nice peeps to hang out with. today, i'll introduce you to two of them:
Tyler and Gina (names changed, obviously)

   she's in my school, my grade, my class, my bus. and also in my tuition. (: i never actually spoke to her much in school. people said she was weird. not that that was why i never spoke to her, it's just that i never had reason to. atleast, nothing apart from a "hi" every morning or something. anyway, i met her in tuition and found it wasn't true - i mean, okay yeah, she's a little weird (x but hey, everyone's weird in their own way, right? but honestly, she's the sweetest person ever. also, she's one of the few i can be my-true-perpetually-high-self around. i love her. :D
   he studies in the school right next to ours. like LITERALLY right next to. i first met him in my bus - since we live in the same area, we shared the same mode of transport to and from school. i never spoke to him much either. we just played random stuff together - these boys vs. girls games which used to be real fun. ^^ (i miss that. most of us have parted ways now. Tyler too.) tuition is where i got to know him better. he's a real sweet person too. kinda shy, doesn't have much to say. but oh you can blabber on and on and on and he'll just listen to you AND say the right things at the right time (i love people who do that. it actually makes you wanna tell 'em stuff 'cuz they seem interested.).
so. Tyler and Gina (we've hit the subject now):
   on my first day of tuition i walked home with them and a couple of others. since then, it's become a ritual. everyday after tuition, we wait for each other, and then (loiter about) walk home together. i still remember thinking to myself on the first day,  "omo they'd make such a cute couple!". a few weeks later, i just knew it - Tyler had a major thing for Gina. don't ask me how or why, i just knew. (lots of people will tell you i've got a knack for figuring out who likes who. like, always. cuz i'm cool like that ^_<) one picture that's very vivid for some strange reason is this one time, on our way back, Gina was narrating an extremely hilarious tale involving two of her cousins. i just happened to look up and catch a glimpse of Tyler's face - he was looking down at her (she's kinda short, okay, comes up to his shoulder or so) and you could just see it in his eyes. i know it sounds all flowery, like it is in  the books, but it's true. i did see it. the fact that he adored her, wanted her - it was all written on his face. plain as day.
and Gina?
   oh don't even ask. when he didn't turn up for tuition (which was rare, mind you), she'd be all down. oh yeah, she'd pretend like everything's fine. all rubbish. and around him? she was hap-hap-happy, lively and full of... i don't know... colour. no don't ask me why i used that word, but you get what i mean, right?
    together, they're a perfect pair, a match made in heaven. i remember telling Gina one day, "dude, he's gonna ask you out. he's gonna ask you out REAL soon."
then came Saturday. yeah, this Saturday.
   after 8 months of knowing each other, wanting each other, Tyler finally mustered enough courage to ask her out. and Gina, only too happy to comply, literally danced into his arms. oh, it was so cute! you should've been there. and the way he turned to his best friend and went, "know who she is?" "who?" "Gina, man." "who is she?" "she's MY girlfriend." that crazy, happy smile he pronounced the "MY girlfriend" with was adorable. even more adorable - the way Gina blushed and laughed.
   i've never spent so much of time hanging around a couple. hell, i see 'em 4 times a week, for 3 hours each day. it's so cute, watching them together so happy and lost in their own world.
but truth is, it kinda hurts a little.
   i won't deny it, i've spent hours and hours dreaming about the one i love popping up one day and pulling a Tyler-like stunt - confessing his love and all that. i think i've come up with a hundred million different versions of it. (x but make-believe is just MAKE - BELIEVE. you can't go on with that for a lifetime, right?
   i'm not jealous. oh, please no. definitely not! it's just that... seeing what they share fills me with a longing for something like that. my own world which i can share with someone i love. it doesn't just hurt because i don't have anyone to share my world with. it hurts all the more because i know that the one person i yearn for doesn't give a damn about me.
when i watch Tyler and Gina, it all seems so perfect. they both love each other, they're both there for each other.
then i look at myself: stuck in this one-way street with no way out.

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