you & i - part I

22nd March, 2011

 he's annoying, he's hilarious, he's the world's biggest jerk, he makes me want to scream, he ruins my day and saves it at the last minute, he drives me crazy, he's out of his mind, i hate his guts, and he's everything i want.

26th May, 2011

he's hurt me so much more than the others. when i think of Brian and how he tried so hard to make me happy, it seems ridiculous and unfair that i find myself falling for him instead.

17th July, 2011

i realised i've been dwelling on the negative side of our relationship. when i recount our times together, i actually find that the happy moments outnumber the unhappy ones by far. i also realise that i haven't ever really tried to understand everything that goes on behind the impassive mask he wears. i've hurt him just as much. probably more.

 7th September, 2011

i don't know... something's changed. in situations where i expect him to pass one of his characteristic biting remarks, he catches me off guard by being undeniably sweet. and that leaves me confused, speechless. all the defensive retorts that bubble up out of habit are rendered pointless.

28th October, 2011

it scares me sometimes, how incredibly nice he can be. it was so much easier to convince myself to hate his old self. i wish he'd bring back to life the jackass of a person he was, or maybe just go away. as much as either of these might hurt, it's probably best for me. best for both of us.

14th December, 2011

i look back to my younger self and she makes me want to laugh. i wonder if she had any idea what she was getting into. if that girl knew how much i cared about him now, she'd think i'd lost my mind. come to think of it, i think so myself.

4th February, 2012

sometimes i wonder if he knows. something tells me he does. and the fact that he sticks around anyway is comforting.

21st March, 2012

it's been a week since he told me he cares and i find that i still can't get my head around that piece of information. i'd always thought that i was a kind of pastime he engaged in when he had nothing better on his hands... well not always. there had been moments when i'd believed that there was so much more to it but then i'd eventually wave it away as a product of my hyperactive imagination. i wouldn't be surprised if his latest confession is one of those as well.

3rd April, 2012

today when he asked me why i like him, i found myself floundering for a reply. it isn't that i don't know why, it's just that i can't really pin it all down in words. and even though he got no fitting response, strangely enough, i know his question wasn't left unanswered.

5th April, 2012

lately, i've been thinking about the things that are going to change. he tries to convince me that it'll last but his attempts are futile. there's a nagging feeling that this is just momentary and insubstantial. i try to rid myself of it, but the feeling persists. in the end, i decide it's best to give up. i instruct myself to stop worrying and lose myself in all that we have for now.

this made my day

Cristiano Ronaldo

i love him so much :')

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCAS!

   i started obsessing over him a week back. Lucas Piazón. such lovely silky brown hair, and his SMILE! oh his smile... <love sigh> don't you simply hate it when men do that to you?

   he turned eighteen today. and i'm on my way to sixteen. i mean, think of all the POSSIBILITIES!!

- i go to England, meet him at a bar. it's love at first.

- i go to Brazil, bump into him in a random mall. our eyes meet, sparks fly. it's meant to be.

   if only, IF ONLY it would all work out!

Merry Christmas, everyone! ^^

   this Christmas i realized that it isn't about the way people around feel about me, it doesn't matter if they don't care enough. simply loving them and doing everything i can to make things better for them can make me happier than anyone. it's an amazing feeling - having love to give, having people to love. for those who aren't exactly having the best Christmas ever because you're lonely, lost, discontent - i hope you'll see it to.

   oh, and i'd like to share my favourite Christmas story with you. i always cry like a baby when i read it. (x

#epic: III

   "Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

~ Bob Marley

Alyss: overcoming obstacle A - Part II

the crazy rantings of a lovelorn damsel: Part VII

"She wasn't exactly sure when it happened. Or even when it started. 

All she knew for sure was that right here and now she was falling hard and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way."

~ Nicholas Sparks (Safe Haven)

i must be delirious. maybe i should get more sleep.

five pictures i randomly feel like posting

The Addams Family

remember The Addams Family? the Hand ruined my childhood.

The Little Mermaid

i'm fifteen, going on sixteen and i've never kissed a boy. (x

Finding Nemo

it may seem senseless, but i actually get what he means.

A Walk To Remember

<sigh> :')

Bradley Cooper (Hangover)

and that's the Sexiest Man Alive for you.

Alyss: overcoming obstacle A - Part I

another note from Alyss:
   a lot has been going on lately and um, the way things are going i know it's gonna go from a 'lot' to a lot LOT soon enough. so i figured it's time i need to shuffle my priorities and delete some of the so-called ones from my list.
   meet obstacle A, the first one that needs to be shoved off.
Obstacle A has been tottering on the brink of removal for one entire year. he's a very insistent little thing who is extremely hard to get rid off. just when you think he's gone, someone taps you on the shoulder and there you go! it's A again.
   but this time, things are gonna be different. drastically different. (oh, yes)
firstly, i'm starting off on a positive foot. i'm not heartbroken like i used to be in my previous attempts. i don't feel weighed down by the things i lack. pssshh, no way.
   i'm happy.
i'm happy that i know he's amazing. i'm happy to think i'll be able to limit our relationship to what it is now. i'm happy to be smart enough to walk away before it's too late, before watching him walk away with (a luckier) someone else can affect me. this time, i'm really going to let it all go. i've pined for him long enough. ONE YEAR. yeah. i know he isn't ever gonna reciprocate these feelings so this is the smartest option i have, right?
   i know this will work. i can feel the change in my bones already. but there's one thing that'll never change - he'll always be my first 'real love'. (:

FLIPPED!

   my exams start on Friday but no, that didn't stop me from watching a whole bunch of random (romantic) movies and wasting all my time.
most of them were pretty forgettable, somehow this stayed with me:

FLIPPED.

when life goes bleh: Part II

   when life goes bleh, you read soppy romantic novels a.k.a a Nicholas Sparks' piece, and watch soppy romantic movies a.k.a a movie based on a Nicholas Sparks' piece.
   my pick today was The Notebook (for the zillionth time).

 i read it AND watched the movie (corniness much?) but anyway, they had the desired effect: reduced to me to a sniffly, puffy-eyed, in-love-with-love-but-oh-so-lonely-girl (well, actually i am that most of the time, minus the sniffling and puffiness of eyes).
   here are the bits that got to me the most:

the crazy rantings of a lovelorn damsel: Part III

sorry, i know i'm becoming increasingly weird these days. bear with me?

 

i don't know if i deserve better, but i sure as hell have set him free.

P.S.: happy independence day, India!

the end of an era

last entry in my diary. boy, did i cry like crazy! i love her. :')

the crazy rantings of a lovelorn damsel: Part II

okay, excuse the cheesiness but...

but i love him. like REALLY.

you're not the only one, hun

  for some very weird inexplicable reason people around tend to randomly confide in me. and... i guess that's a good thing...? i don't know. but i'll admit, i don't mind. in fact, it kinda even feels nice knowing that people feel better when they tell me things. it's a NICE feeling. ^^ here's something which happened today:
  meet Keira (name changed to protect privacy). she's my lab partner in Chem. a normal, everyday girl who is... guess what? yes, in love. *rolls eyes* extract from our conversation today:

"it's weird, you know. things are s'posed to wear off with time, right? but... i don't know. it's different with him. in the beginning, i needed to talk to him at least once in 2-3 weeks or something. some time later, once a week. and now? forget a week, even a DAY seems like ages! i can't get through without seeing him like once in 2-3 DAYS at least. it's crazy! is this even normal? god, i miss him so much."

  i just smiled, and told her she'd already done the NaOH test, and she was s'posed to add NH₄OH now, NOT NaOH again. what i didn't tell her was - dearest, you're not crazy. i know exactly what you mean.

people are funny (x

here's something i picked up in a bus on my way back home. the people in concern weren't exactly aware i was listening, they thought i was lost in my own world - which i should've been (and usually am) but oh i don't know, i just couldn't help but listen. so anyway, i've altered their names to protect their privacy. sorry guys, but i found this conversation highly entertaining and quite hilarious.

i also want:

George Craig.

Jon and Leanne

   hi. i'm Leanne. i'm a 16 year old girl, five feet nine. luscious curly brown hair, soulful hazel eyes. I've got creamy white skin and a nose so perfect you'd kill for it. dazzling smile, killer hips. smooth well-rounded thighs, slim long legs. i love pretty shoes, polka dotted things, my dog Mr. O, cheeseburgers and Josh Duhamel. i'm going out with the most popular guy in school, Jon.
oh, Jon. ♥
6ft. tall. he's got jet black hair that's always a mess. sparkling green eyes coupled with a mischievous grin that makes hearts race. star footballer, math genius, prime candidate for future school Head Boy. and he loves me, adores me. we're the most talked about couple in high school, the most envied. what wouldn't all those girls give to be in my shoes - running their fingers through his hair, knowing what his lips feel like on mine... what wouldn't all those guys give to be the one holding me close, whispering wonderful things in my ear...
we're perfect, Jon & I. we are fucking perfect.

the crazy rantings of a lovelorn damsel

   <this one's for all those who've loved someone who's well... on a different level. you know what i mean, don't you?>

    You.
     You came into my life and stole my heart. You made me the happiest girl on the planet. You were my Prince Charming. You made my life seem like a fairytale, made me go weak at the knees, you were the reason why I got butterflies in my stomach... you did every single one of those clichéd things Prince Charmings ought to do.
     I spent all my time thinking of you, dreaming.. smiling at the thought of you... it was always you, you & you. I began seeing you everywhere, in all the things I did, all around me. You were my drug, my ecstasy. I couldn't imagine life without you.

I couldn't live without you.

     As time flew by and I began to fully realize just how amazing you are, I know we can never be together. You're far too good, far too wonderful, far too amazing to love someone like me. And although not in this world, I do hope that in the next, maybe we'll meet again. And you'll sweep me off my feet just like you have now and I will be a better person. Someone worthy of you, someone capable of winning your heart.

And THEN you'll love me, won't you?

     I'm ready to wait. Even if it's for a decade, a century, a lifetime. As long as I can have you with me in the end, I'm willing to wait forever.
 
    But for now, let's make believe that I am someone worthy of you. Let's make believe that you love me like I love you. Let's make believe that we're one. Together. Forever.

Luke, Luke, OH LUKE!!

*this should've been posted nearly a week back but i've been really busy lately so my apologies.*
on the 26th of March there i was, crying my eyes out.
why?
ENGLAND HAD CRASHED OUT OF THE WC.
    truth be told, i'm the most anti-cricket person on the planet. it's the most monotonous, pointless game i've ever come across. i'd rather watch WWE than watch a game of cricket and boy, you do NOT know how much i detest WWE. the worst part? THERE ISN'T A SINGLE HOT CRICKETER ON THE PLANET.

or so i thought.