Saturday, 3 December 2011


   she couldn't believe how awkward things had become between them.
here was someone she'd known since forever, someone she'd been confiding in since forever, someone who'd been her best friend since forever. and yet, confessing that one little thing had changed it all.

   okay, so maybe it isn't exactly 'little'. finding out your best friend is lesbian and she's had a massive crush on you since forever can hardly be classified as 'one little thing'. but really, she'd never expected their relationship to change that drastically! inspite of being in the same block in school, inspite of living half a kilometre apart, they barely saw each other anymore. on the good days, they'd exchange a fleeting smile, sometimes even stop for a polite chat and maybe if she was lucky, a brief hug before they went their own ways. gone were those shopping sprees, endless conversations on the phone which extended late into the night and hours of lounging around doing nothing, just having each other for company. she wondered... could Al be avoiding her? she'd never do that, right? she had been really busy lately but surely, no one could possibly be too busy to spare a half hour for their best friend?
   ...they were still best friends weren't they?
she knew Al couldn't erase their relationship, try as hard as she might. they had way too many memories - the crazy, CRAZY crap they did together! could there possibly be anyone on the planet who'd do that shit?! they'd shared everything with each other, even the most insignificant details of their lives. whenever an issue crops up, her first thought - 'omg, i NEED to tell Al!!' it was a common sight - one of the two dashing down the street and barging into the other's house, irrespective of the time. Al had this way strange way of always knowing the right things to say. there were times when who she was filled her with self-hatred and all sorts of insecurities - it was something she'd never told anyone and yet it felt like Al knew. she was the only one who could make her feel like life was worth living and make her believe that just for a moment maybe everything in the world will be perfect.
   she missed Al.
she missed her endless rants on the weirdest subjects, those giggles which she'd burst into at the most inappropriate moments, the funny way in which she'd rub her nose when things got awkward. sometimes when she lay in bed, she'd picture Al right next to her. those innumerable sleepovers she'd never forget... she was so adorable when she slept. she missed her smile... she had the cutest smile on the planet.and she had that way of looking at you... it made her heart skip a beat. she was crazy about every little thing about Al.
   she loved Al.
she had been quite sure she wasn't the way she was...Al could never feel the same way about her. but there were these little moments when she'd felt like maybe there was something...
  apparently there'd never been anything.
it was a little too much to have expected, she realised. she should've known. she should've had the sense to hold back but oh she'd been doing that since Eternity! but then again, it probably was a good thing that she'd cleared things out. now she wouldn't waste time wondering. it was only a minor heartbreak. nothing she couldn't possibly not get over.
   ...she hoped.

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