Thursday, 19 January 2012

a second chance.

   i'm supposed to meet him at six.
accustomed to my unpunctual ways, he'd begs me to make it on time. just this once.
   5.49 and i still haven't made up my mind.
   for the first time i'd put my needs first - i'd done it for myself. if i choose to go back now, everything i've achieved in the past few months will be rendered inconsequential. do i really want to risk it?
   but then again, doesn't he deserve a chance? everyone has their faults, their imperfections. and somewhere, buried beneath the painful memories, i realize i want to hear him out. there's still a part of me that seeks consolation, some kind of  assurance that people can change for the better.
   a part of me says this will be another of one those meaningless exchanges. another part believes that this time, things will be different.
it isn't right, i know deep in my heart, but i decide to go anyway. for old times' sake.
   6.01: he's standing by our tree.
as i walk down the road, i remember that cold night... our first kiss. i had been warned but i was blinded, taken up by the magic of it all. if only i hadn't been that naive...
   i see him leaning against the trunk casually and i feel the old fear surfacing. the wild look in his eyes, his menacing grip... i should turn back.
   he sees me approach. i watch him tense. a strange expression flits across his face.
   i've seen that look before.
   i want to turn around but i can't. i want to run and scream and hide but i realize it's going to get me nowhere. i'd fallen into the trap a second time, and now i would pay the consequences.

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