Sunday, 16 October 2011


i don't know how or why, but this morning, in one corner of my underwear drawer, i found a sheet dated 27/02/2010 which had on it the following tale (written by me):

   i sit in the local bar everyday blindly downing drink after drink and scanning the crowd for a face i know. there is always someone from my high school days who, just like me, has no particular job. they too prefer to spend the meager earnings obtained through various odd jobs on cheap drinks in the bar. on spotting a familiar face, we get together and exchange woeful tales of our unsuccessful attempts at lasting in one job for more than a week. we always get fired due to our terrible drinking habits. despite the nonchalant air with which we share our stories, deep inside we are all well aware of being on the fast track to nowhere.
   ever since high school, i've always been among those who don't stand a chance of getting anywhere in life. we cut classes, smoked in alleys and got suspended every other week for coming to class with booze on our breath. our grades slipped lower and lower each year but we didn't give a damn. we barely passed our classes and yet we managed to graduate. i now think this was only because our school wished to get rid of us at the first opportunity it got. if it were any other day this realization wouldn't have perturbed me at all, but today it did.
   unlike my other friends who'd been in and out of numerous flings, i'd just stuck to one - Karen. we'd been together for nearly three years but a few months ago we gradually drifted apart. on a whim, i called her today and was surprised to hear her say, "i still care about you. it's just that i can't stay around and watch your life fall apart. what makes it even more depressing is that you have no one to blame for where you stand today - it's entirely your fault."
   i know she is right. although my parents never say anything, i know they are disappointed. moreover, i am disappointed in myself. i'm a 25 year old guy  with no qualifications, no job, no money, entirely dependent on a 63 year old father's income. this isn't the life i want. hell, this isn't a life anyone would want! i want to turn over a new leaf - have a steady job, bring home a wholesome salary and live independently. i want to get somewhere in life, make my family proud and fulfill their desires just like they fulfilled mine."and i'm going to start right now", i say to myself.
   strengthening my resolve, i push away my next drink and get up. although i'm slightly dizzy, i know i can make it back home. i pay for the drinks and walk out to the parking lot. as i head towards my car, i hear the rumble of a fast approaching vehicle. before i can turn, i feel something crash into me followed by a searing pain that tears my insides apart. and before i know it, i'm plunged into a seemingly eternal dark abyss.

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