Wednesday, 26 October 2011

festive feel! not really, no.

   i don't know why but i've never actually liked this festival much but i have nothing against watching pretty fireworks light up the sky ^^

   however, i am not looking forward to tonight. i'm not in the mood to socialize today and i know that, invariably, my family will drag me along to some place, some gathering, some party. all i want to do is curl up in a corner and read a good book. i know i sound like such a wet blanket but honestly, i'm tired. year after year it's just the same thing. each time i tell myself, 'this time it's gonna be different. i'll make it different!' but no. it never works out. not ever.
   i miss those days when i was a kid. every little thing could make me happy back then. festivals like these were the highlight of the year! but now i find myself dreading these times. i don't even know why. it's not like i don't try to enjoy - i do. and on a surface level, i succeed but inside i'm still empty, going around doing everything with a feeling of detachment.
   time spent 'celebrating' just seems like time wasted. my heart isn't in it, then why should i do it? people around me don't understand. i'm expected to join in because it's family time, you know? you can't say no. you just can't.
   so here i am, left with no choice. there's no point complaining because nothing's gonna change. so i might as well go out and join the crowd. i might as well go out and:
happy Diwali, everyone!
P.S.: on my bucket list: 

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